Mike and I have stuck through this last season of ER on tv, I don't really know of anyone else who watches it. Well, last nights episode had 3 alternate endings, basically the same day 3 time 15 minutes each during the show. It was showing how little things she said or did changed the course of her day and 2 patients days.
It got me thinking about all the choices I make for my kids, big and small. I'm a natural born worry wart! Add the typical mommy guilt and it makes for a bad package most of the time. Sometimes it seems that I'm always stressing about what choices I'm making for my kids now...am I reading to them enough, are they getting their spiritual nourishment, am I making sure their teeth are cleaned well enough and often enough, is my disipline helping them to become strong independent God fearing kids or am I not even reaching them? Do I push Emily too much, Ally not enough? Are we too strict, not strict enough? Are we setting bad food habits? When should we get them involved in extra activies like sports, it's important, isn't it? Am I playing with them enough, or am I creating dependent kids?
I could go on and on and on. Does anyone ever feel this way? Like every choice we make is going to drastically change their future, good or bad. Sometimes I definitly wish I had made a different decision and wish I could go back.
But in thinking about it, I forget that God has a hand in everything. That I need to give my kids back to God and let Him lead them and Mike and I in parenting and directing them through life. And truly, worry is a sin. In worrying about making the right choices all the time, it is actually causing me to stumble. It's so hard though, not to be in control. It was hard for me to send Emily off to preschool last year. Not so much because she was growing up and I was sad, but because I couldn't control her actions anymore. I had spent 4.5 years of her life stopping bad behavior, feeding her, telling her what activities we were doing, ect. She had to stand on her own and hopefully the work we had put into her would pay off.
I don't really know why I'm blogging this, I may delete it later, but it was on my mind and I wondered to what extent other parents, or maybe more specifically, those worrying moms out there, thought about this? Do you agree to some extent? Not at all? Wholeheartedly?
35 Years
11 years ago
7 comments:
Okay, this is going to be a long comment, so sorry in advance.
I can't even believe the timing of this post. I just laid Zach down for a nap, when he was tired and cranky and wouldn't cooperate on any level-diaper change, major attitude, etc. Although he is usually always easy-going and really good, I had to be firm and lay down the law....and I hate it. After I laid him down, he fell asleep almost immediately, but yet, I wanted him to wake up and look at me and say, "mom, I still love you, thanks for disciplining me," but as you guessed that didn't happen.
Reading your post just now made me feel better. It's good to be reminded that I'm not the only worrywart Mommy that faces Mommy guilt. Yours is times 3, and more advanced than mine, as your girls are older, but I still feel it. Do I play with Zach enough? Is his diet now setting good eating habits for him? Do we watch too much tv around him? Do we have enough family time? Are we too busy during the week?....the list goes on.
It was told to me once that when you have kids, they are like your heart walking around, and you care 2x as much and worry 2x as much as if it was you. Jamie, I feel your pain, and your worry!!! There's no secret majic eraser to erase mommy worry and guilt (I wish) but I know God's using it to shape me. There are days when it's easier for me to rely on God and shake it off, then there are days when the guilt and worry hang on, like today. It's my daily battle, and I appreciate you being honest and sharing---it was encouraging!
All us moms are such good support, and Jamie I can honestly say, you are a wonderful Mommy, and your children are growing to be wonderful Godly kids, so keep on! =) Leslie
First of all I am an ER with you:).
Second I agree that wondering if you make the right decisions is always a worry. But that's why we have been chosen to be Mom's because we can make those decisions and trust that we are doing what's best for our children.
Jamie, I think it goes with the territory of being a mom. You're right, it isn't good to worry. However, I do think that God wants us to continually check our hearts and our actions. What is that psalm (139 I think) where he asks God to search him and see if there is any wicked way in him. Not that you are talking about "wickedness" exactly, but you are talking about checking in to see if you are on course.
Of course, that is what the body of Christ is all about. I have found in my life that it is good to have people in my life that love me enough to tell me the truth in an encouraging way. I'm guessing you have that, so that is all you need (along with the Holy Spirit guiding you, of course!).
I remember when you guys were little and being so surprised that there was a mom-guilt gene built in!! I expected joy, work, laughs, fatigue, worry, amazing times, etc. But you don't expect guilt. I think I thought we'd be the model parents. What a surprise parenting actually was. It was everything I listed above, but in the cracks were guilt, doubt, etc.
I remember some nights after one of you would be asleep, sitting on your bed watching you sleep, wishing we could push rewind and try the day again. With more patience, better choices, being more in tune, etc. It's easy to feel the pain of those things and to forget the good things we also do and say. It's like for every 10 good things, one bad moment wipes it all out. It doesn't go away as you raise your kids, but you'll start realizing that you're doing your best and you're looking for guidance from God, your spouse, and your support group. Eventually, the good memories outweigh the guilt that recedes over time.
This is why God made grandparents. We get to spoil and love without guilt (well, mostly anyway), but it also gives you time to refresh and reload!
Jamie:
It's not just mom's... Dad's feel the same way. I remember going back to school with a new born daughter. Missing things that I didn't want to miss. Knowing that your mom had to be the parent 90% of the time, guilt...
However, God really does give us what we need to be parents, no matter what challenges he send us. Being a parent is specific to the child, so there isn't a book you can read, a person you can talk to or a plan you can follow. God puts all those things in our (your) heart when he assigns us the child. Follow what you feel is best and it will work out just the way God planned.
You're a great mom with great kids. DAD
WOW!!! After reading your blog and everyones comments, all I can say is Thank You God! I am still just getting to know the Bridge community and I am so greatful that we have such a support system of moms!!! And dads, thanks Steve. Really it is awesome to see how when we question ourselves and the way we do things...He gets the glory. I know now that there is a great plan for my family in this group of families.
That guilt gene must run in the Stacy family because I have it, too!!! I'm always trying to find balance and make perfect choices for Avery and Andon but then I have to realize that it's God's balancing act, not mine. He has put things in our lives to grow us, not make us feel comfortable...it's in those times of "worry" that he wants us to turn to HIM. He wants us to trust in him and if us wondering if we are doing the right things, worrying about making the right choices in life is the way to get us to do that, then mission accomplished. It's those little seeds that get planted with our kids and God grows them.....we'll see the fruits, whether it be reading, prayer, brushing teeth, whatever...maynot be tomorrow but it will be there! I see it in Avery and Andon ALL the time! Sure we all have those horrible days that we wish we could have a do-over for, but tomorrow will be a new chance to do some planting! I have to remember that God is the only perfect parent...
Our church is starting the 40 Days of Purpose for the second time in 5 years this weekend (we have grown by 2300 people in that time!). I am praying for God to grow our family :)
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